Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
