so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
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