He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize