Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
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