i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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