So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
