I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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