I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
