the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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