Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
