I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Holy sore nipples Batman
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
