And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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