Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
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