So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
