her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
