your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
