sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
