On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
