Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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