Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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