I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Houston, we have a blender
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Randomize
