I look better un-naked...
if only i could text you this smell
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize