I just cut my nipple shaving
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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