Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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