She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize