My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Randomize
