I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
My liver just broke up with me...
it was like his penis was on wheels.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
