Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
