As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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