If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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