so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
