Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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