textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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