'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I think my fart just growled at me.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
