there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
