I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
