he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
