I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
can u get pink eye on your cock?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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