found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
