the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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