Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
