I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
