i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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