if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
