I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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