Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
me + whiskey = a bad person
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
