god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
