Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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