honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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