You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
