oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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