I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
NoShamevember. You game?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Randomize
