Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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