its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
