how can u be prego again
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
