I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
