Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You need Xanax blowdarts
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
