Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Just invented taco cereal.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
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