I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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