maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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