3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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