u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Are we in a gay sports bar?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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