someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
