I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
