So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
