You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
NoShamevember. You game?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize