you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
