Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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