I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
