My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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