I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
