This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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