last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
