Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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