FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize