I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
