I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
