Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
