Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
