i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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