Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Randomize
