2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
My penis needs a shock collar
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
