I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
