Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Enjoy the penises
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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