Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
