Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
