I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
