Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
