:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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