And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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