I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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