Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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