I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize