Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
