oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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