She is in my trunk
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize